Wednesday, January 19, 2011

carmen sandiego

her theme song is familiar, but did you ever pay attention to the lyrics?

she commits incomprehensibly grievous crimes and humiliates governments, apparently for the lulz.  (what does it even mean to steal a river or a city?)  no supernatural powers.  just a burning hatred for order and authority.

she is peerless among fictional villans.

good luck gumshoe.  you've already lost.

theme song and lyrics.  you nostalgia you lose.

Well she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina, 
She's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize, 
She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China, 
Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? 

Steal their Seoul in South Korea, make Antarctica cry Uncle, 
From the Red Sea to Greenland they'll be singing the blues, 
Well they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle, 
Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? 

She go from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe, 
Chicago to Czechoslovakia and back! 

Well she'll ransack Pakistan and run a scam in Scandinavia, 
Then she'll stick 'em up Down Under and go pick-pocket Perth, 
She put the Miss in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima, 
Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? 
Oh tell me where in the world is... Oh tell me where can she be? 

Ooh, Botswana to Thailand, Milan via Amsterdam, 
Mali to Bali, Ohio, Oahu...! 

Well she glides around the globe and she'll flimflam every nation, 
She's a double-dealing diva with a taste for thievery, 
Her itinerary's loaded up with moving violations, 
Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Palin/Golem 2012

BBC News - Arizona shooting: Palin denounces 'blood libel'

Sarah Palin, the real victim of the AZ shooting, attacks as 'blood libel' the suggestion that her violent rhetoric might incite violence.  she aggressively defends herself from requests to tone down her violent rhetoric by escalating her violent rhetoric.

(blood libel, btw, is the accusation that some group (usu. Jews) murder children and use their blood for rituals.)

it's all about meeeeeeeee

when Jews were persecuted for blood libel in the 16th century, the Golem of Prague came to their aid.  will the Golem now protect Sarah Palin from her detractors?

would you vote for Palin in 2012 if the Golem were her running mate?

"come at me bro:  Palin/Golem 2012"


Monday, January 10, 2011

the price is right?

you tech savvy kids please advise.

the following desktop computer is listed on craigslist.  what's a fair price?  pros/cons?  opinions?

here's the listing:

This system is designed for the design Professional or any hardcore gamer. Runs extremely Fast and Stable.
In Like New Condition!
Original Boxes, Literature, Software Discs for just about everything included!


CPU: Intel Core i7 920 @ 2.67GHz (Highly Overclockable)
MEMORY: 12GB DDR3 Tri-Channel Dominator Memory - 1600mhz
HARD DRIVE: 900GB Raptor Drives SATA – 10,000RPM (3X 300GB raid 0)
VIDEO CARD: BFG GeForce GTX 295 Dual GPU Graphics Card
AUDIO: Creative SupremeFX X-Fi HD Audio
FLOPPY DRIVE: NEC 1.44MB Floppy w/Multi-Card Reader
POWER SUPPLY: Kingwin 1220Watt ATX Aircraft connectors Blue LED
KEYBOARD: Microsoft Sidewinder X6 Keyboard (Red backlit)
MOUSE: Microsoft Sidewinder X8 Wireless Laser Mouse (Red lit)
SPEAKERS: Logitech Z5500 Digital 5.1 Surround w/Remote
HEADSET: Logitech G35 Headset
CAMERA: Microsoft LifeCam Cinema 720p HD
CPU COOLING: PROLiMA Megahalems w/2 Blue LED Fans
MONITORS: 3 x 24” Widescreen Acer H243H 1920x1080 - Black
CASE: Corsair Obsidian 800D

-OPERATING SYSTEM: Windows 7 Ultimate 64-bit
-Microsoft Office 2007 Pro; (Outlook, Word, Excel, Publisher, PowerPoint, Access, InfoPath, One Note, Visio Pro, Project, Groove, Share Point, Fully activated version, not trial.
-Adobe Master Suite CS4; (Acrobat 9 Pro, After Effects CS4, Dreamweaver CS4, Encore CS4, Fireworks CS4, Flash Pro CS4, Illustrator CS4, InDesign CS4, Photoshop CS4, Premiere CS4, Soundbooth CS4) Fully Activated version, not trial.
-BitDefender 2011 Total Security
-Nero 9 CD/DVD Burning Software
-Cyberlink Power DVD 9


what is this?



asking price is $2700.  negotiable.  /g/ trolls suggested $1250-$9000, bless them. 

Friday, January 07, 2011

the smell of sadness

"so, um, your smelly sadness is really turning me off right now.  no, seriously."

NPR:  Smell That Sadness?  Female Tears Turn Off Men.

apparently, chemicals present in emotionally-shed female tears reduce male testosterone and sexual arousal.  males are temporarily emasculated by female tears.

whatever.  humans aren't subject to chemical impulses.  we have free will.

"did somebody just...?  ugh.  mind leaving the room next time?"


Thursday, January 06, 2011

pack for pakistan

do you dream of a place where questioning religion is punished by death?

where questioning whether questioning religion should be punished by death, is punished by death?

stop dreaming and                 VISIT PAKISTAN

surrender your worries, unwind, and assimilate to theocratic monoculture.  submit to a simpler life that requires less thought.  perhaps have a marriage or two arranged for you.

meet that special someone

visit soon to participate in festivities celebrating the recent assassination of Punjab Governor Salman Taseer!  

enjoy and allahu akbar!

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

craigslist: bargains not bawwws

people often use sob stories for bargaining leverage on craigslist.  ("what do you mean you want $50 off?  my mother just died.")  i've never seen someone take it as far as this guy.

below is a recent series of posts from my local craigslist electronics page.  pay special attention to the last two posts, in which he shares responses he's received.

42" Sanyo HDTV - $500

Date: 2010-12-30, 8:49PM EST

I have 7 days to pay my rent and I have lost my job.  All i have that is worth anything is my Sanyo HDTV.  It is 42 inches.  I need 500 bucks to keep a roof over my head.  I'll throw in a Xbox360 console (no hook-ups or controllers) for free to sweeten the pot!!!!!  Someone PLEASE help me out!!!!!!!!!!  I can meet you to pick it up.


42 inch HDTV - $400

Date: 2010-01-02, 11:43AM EST

I offered this HDTV for $500 dollars the other day but now the price is dropped.  $400 for it and a XBOX360 Console!!!!!!!!

I have 5 days left to pay my rent or me, my wife and our 3 pets are out on our asses in the cold.  Someone PLEASE come buy this TV.  It is a Sanyo 42 inch 720p HDTV.  It comes with a remote and I will even give away my old Xbox360 console with it.  I can't give out any cords to the 360 cause my dog chewed thru the cords and I sold the 1 controller I had.  I am begging for you to help us.  Please come buy this TV or you will see me begging for your change at a highway intersection by next Friday. I am not the best looking guy so not only will you be annoyed by me begging but your eyes will hurt from looking at me.

This is a VERY VERY serious ad.  I am not bullshitting about my situation so PLEASE contact me.  The TV works GREAT and the Xbox360 works (no RROD) you just need to buy cords for it.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP!!!!!!  Don't let me and my tiny family go is not a good look for us.


42" HDTV (1 more time) - $375

Date: 2011-01-02, 5:38PM EST

I been trying to keep a roof over my families head this month by selling our 42 inch HDTV.  Most people have responded by letting me know that they really care and would like to take the tv for free so we don't have to throw it out.  Thanks goes out to those that REALLY care.......your offers helped me see how much we as humans care for each other.

This is the last day I can post an ad cause after today my wife is leaving to move to Pierce County.  I will be living in a patch of woods near City Memorial Park.

This is my last plee for someones help.  I can take $375 cash today.  This will provide me with money to buy food while I am homeless until I can find somewhere to live.

RE: 42 inch HDTV

Date 2011-01-02, 8:20PM EST

I would like to thank all the people who have sent me responses like.........

"LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!"  -  This one came from Chris Epps.  Thanks Chris!!!  I'm glad you find my situation so funny.

"Hope you like living in the woods while your wife is sucking (N-word) D*cks in Pierce Country!!"  -  That beauty was from Bradley.  Brad, you are one special guy!!  Thanks.

You are the very people who make our beautiful word go around.  Everyone be sure to stop by and pelt me with rocks when I have no where to live.  Thanks again.

at least he doesn't have to lug around a 42" sanyo hdtv


Monday, January 03, 2011

aguirre, the wrath of god

most movies that make 'best of all time' lists are predictable and familiar.  not this one.  i never even heard of aguirre, the wrath of god (1972) before 2011.

(found on TIME's top 100 list)

"deserters will be cut into 198 pieces.  those pieces will be stamped on until what is left can only be used to paint walls"

a group of conquistadors led by Pizarro set off on an expedition to find El Dorado.   after enormous hardship and limited progress, Pizarro sends out a scouting party.  the movie follows that party as they travel slowly down a jungle river, battling hostile natives, internal strife, disease, and insanity.

if you think that sounds vaguely like apocalypse now, you're right.  along with heart of darkness, Coppola credited aguirre... as one of his primary influences.

those who enjoy dark, haunting movies that skillfully explore human vice and its most violent consequences, treat yourself to this.

starts off hopeless, gets worse


Sunday, January 02, 2011

fuzzy maths


How to Reach a Quadrillion Ancestors in 50 Generations.

(follow-up to my previous post)

you have 2 parents.
they each had 2 parents,
who each had 2 parents,
who each had 2 parents,
ad infinitum (assuming your ancestors reproduced sexually).

each generation the number of ancestors doubles.

2 parents
4 grandparents
8 great-grandparents
16 great-great-grandparents

this quickly leads to an absurdly large number.  by the time you calculate back to ancient greece your progenitors outnumber the stars.

the solution?  inbreeding.  we share the same relatives and they liberally shared each other.

viewed from a distance our family tree does not resemble the upside down triangle pictured above.  it looks rather more like a dull pencil.  skip back several generations and you share relatives with most of people you know.

take care, cousins.